Witness protection

Did you guys think I was going to be sore today? WELL>>> this morning, when the alarm went off, I was amazingly SURPRISED!! I wasn't hurting! I was going through my head what I'd wear (it was picture day, so I had to fix the hair too...) and was ready to begin my day. I was good! NO problems!! THEN I MOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!! Exactly WHO threw me in front of the train in the middle of the night?!?! Remember how bad the "how low can you go" potty was yesterday? I didn't go ONE time today at school, for fear the janitor would have to come and get me off of it because I couldn't rely on my legs to stand from that position. No kidding! Now Garrett, the sweet boy that he is... would occasionally, poke my thigh and say, "that hurt?" OH, his time will come. He'll have a football bruise, and I am ON it!!
Now you KNOW, I love me some Shane, and I THOUGHT he loved me too, but I am not sure if tonight he was trying to comfort my aches or kill me. Graceson had another game tonight (yes, we won again) and we were driving separately, since I hadn't been home since morning and Gra had piano lessons for the FIRST time this school year with our FAVORITE piano teacher, Mrs. Claire. Shane asked me to run through the drive thru and get him a few double cheeses before I came home. When I got home, he had run me a bath in the big tub. He was so thoughtful, that he even put some of this Beauty Control bath oil in it that Anissa had given me one Christmas. I didn't have a lot left, but you are only supposed to use a few capfuls at a time. It smells minty, and it is supposed to "be an antioxidant and remove your body's toxins". MAN, isn't he sweet? WELL, I am not sure if he used the REST OF THE BOTTLE, or what, but guess what happened when Jerri's naked foot hit the floor of the bathtub? Well, the RIGHT half of my body went East, guess which way my left side went! Nikki told me to stretch today, but I wasn't ready for that. Then, you have my friend Anteneshia, who was at the work out yesterday, making sure that I am coming again on Friday... HELLO? THIS is the reason I need the witness protection program. Between Shane and the exercise, I am going to end up dead!!
Now, raise your hand if you remember the flattening iron hitting the toilet water!! Well, I decided that it had long enough to dry out, and besides, today was picture day! I NEEDED it! I plugged it up. It sounded like the low roar of a fluorescent light, so I felt like it was the last second of moisture that remained in it. A little later, Graceson hollers from my bedroom that she smells something that smells on fire. WHAT? I RUN (OK, I didn't run. I hurt too bad) I walked to my bathroom, and it wasn't on fire, but it MELTED the ends of the heated plates, and the the 2 plates would no longer meet in the middle. I will assure you that there is no beauty in a straightener that won't touch. It was kind of like putting your hair in a heating vent in the floor. It did NOTHING!!! Off to Sally's for me!!
SO, I am going to read just a second and go to bed! No school tomorrow!!! OH YEAH!!! I think I would love Sundays SOOOO much more if Monday didn't follow, ya know? Tomorrow we don't have to go, so I am TICKLED!! I have embroidering and birthday shopping to do! Gra's birthday is Thursday, I think it is TIME that I got her some gifts, what do you think?! I hope I can move!! Well, love to all, and if you can't find me, it's because the feds have changed my name to Buford, and I am moving into my double wide in the everglades! Have a great night! Thanks for sharing a day in the life of the chicken farmer's wife! Jerri